iwishihadafather:

BAREFOOT IN THE BATHROOM I REPEAT BAREFOOT IN THE BATHROOM HE IS BAREFOOT IN THIS BATHROOM THIS IS A CVS NOT A BEACH NOT YOUR HOUSE PEOPLE HAVE PISSED ON THIS FLOOR AND JESUS HAS DIED FOR YOUR SINS AND NOT SO YOU CAN BE BAREFOOT IN THIS BATHROOM

colesprouseofficial:

sorry! your password must contain at least seventeen roman numerals and the entire script of shrek the third

gelatins:

hello, is this mcdonalds? ah yes, i would like to make reservations for 2

crystallized-teardrops:

i suddenly jolted awake this morning at like 6am because in my dream my mum threatened to go on my tumblr

fvming:

I’ll be Burger King and you be McDonalds, I’ll have it my way and you’ll be lovin’ it

5060072089124:

*accidentally showers for 5 hours*

lllllllllllllletswrite:

i almost got arrested when i was 7 because i was putting that fake snow stuff in plastic sandwich baggies and giving them to all my friends and more and more kids would come to me asking for snow and one of the kid’s parents found it and they thought it was cocaine so they called the police on us and they literally thought that a 7 year old girl had created an underground drug distributing system

heros-of-the-bluebox:

sluttyoliveoil:

cough

rough

though

through

why dont these words rhyme

but for some god forsaken reason pony and bologna do

ohdaesusie:

guys complain about girls making duckfaces while posting selfies where they’re biting their lip and squinting lookin like they’re tryna read something in size 3 font lmfao

free-booty:

I don’t mean to interrupt people I just randomly remember things and get really excited I’m sorry

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